Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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