Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
