So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
