So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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