Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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