I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
