I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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