OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
my nose is crying tears of wow.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
