It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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