He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
