the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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