By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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