I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
