Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
