Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
