I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
