hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
