I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize