Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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