TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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