please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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