Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
