I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
