I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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