So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
