I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Congratulations! We have a period
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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