So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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