I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Best friends brother. Beat that.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
