Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize