This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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