oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
