they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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