I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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