I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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