apparently the secret to your success is patron
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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