so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
