you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
