There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
