If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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