I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
