I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
