he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
