So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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