Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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