Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
