Say something about gay babies.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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