Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
