As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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