so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
