Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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