I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
