Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have post one night stand depression
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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