You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
