Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
