I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
They took my balls.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
