If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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