your room smells of hookers.
And success
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize