words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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