It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
