I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
