The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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