Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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