Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
