Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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