Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
