these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
