id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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