is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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