Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
