He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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